Fast Eddie Friday...we have met the enemy, he is us, and man are we screwed.

Just when you rubes were about to give up and start reading mommy blogs, I'm back, like a planters wart.  So let's get to it. Fast and loose, like an Indy avenue hooker.

These are dark times we are in, and by dark, I mean the dark walnut brown leathery mess pictured above.  Patricia Krentcil is the, crazier than a shit house rat, New Jersey broad who has been charged with child endangerment, for taking her kid into a tanning booth, which allegedly resulted in the young spawn getting skin burns. Patty cakes Krentcil denies she did any such thing. Her defense is the following quote, "They're jealous, they're fat and they're ugly". They, being everyone in America.  Nuff said, the defense rests. Look, I don't want to be a hypocrite, I used the tanning booths myself, not for a few years, but there was a time when I tried to hide the fact that I was so white I made Casper look like a Swahili. I've since come to embrace my whiter shade of pale, but when I was tanning I didn't do like this jersey broad, who must stuff one of those turkey thermometers up her bidness and not come out until the little blue "it's done" indicator pops up. Hell, I even wore a sock over my unit so as not to burn my frank and beans. It was a tube sock, in case you were wondering. One of those over the knee jobs with the stripes up top, like your dad wears with his red sansabelt coach shorts. As for Ms. Krentcil, the state should take her kid, and remove her uterus with with a pair of pliers and a blowtorch. There's no tube sock big enough to cover up that much dumb and ugly.  I could riff on this walking beef jerky all day, but I've got other fish to fry.

 This next group of shit heels is brought to you by the Occupy Wall Street Movement. Oddly, the recent May Day shenanigans , rioting, looting, and general mayhem has received scant coverage in the mainstream media. I'm not going to waste much time or bandwidth on these dick wads. They can drop that 99 percent bullshit, or at least reduce it by whatever minuscule percentile it takes to remove my broke ass from the equation. While the majority of the OWS crowd may just be a bunch of whiny, self entitled, think the world owes them somethings, shit draws flies, and OWS is responsible for any acts of violence, terrorism, and crime that results from their rhetoric. Normally I'd just clown on these clowns for a couple of paragraphs, but I'm in a transitional period, and I'm here to help. So listen up OWS, There is no utopia, the world doesn't owe you dick, nada, zip, zilch. If you don't want 150 k in student loan debt for your worthless degree in the Arts or whatever bullshit you studied in between bangin patchouli oil laden hairy pitted hippy broads with a single name like Moonbeam or Azure, then try going to a community college and earning a sensible degree that is actually worth something.

Bullying, it's the hot new issue that we can't get enough of.  In fact it's blown up so big in the media it now extends beyond kids picking on kids, or coworkers, or whoever. There is a dolphin in southern California who is the victim of bullying. Before you think the perp is some fat kid that smells like pee, who is running around snatching fish out of Flippers mouth, it's far more sinister. Here's the money quote from Peter Wallerstein, director of the Friends of Animals Marine Animal Rescue program in El Segundo. “This dolphin was intimidated,” “We’re not concerned about the health of the animal right now,” he said. “We don’t want to force the animal out only to have a potential confrontation with the other dolphins that might be in the harbor...We want to do the best thing for the animal.”  Hey Pete, not for nothin, but the best thing you can do is  let the dolphins sort their own shit out.  At this rate it won't be long before we see Pilot whales running around with co exist bumper stickers on their flukes, shooting rainbow skittle out of their blowholes.

I know what you are thinking. "what is the connection between, leather face, OWS shit weasels, and bullied fish mammals?"  Well allow me to explain it to you. This country is going to hell in a hand basket. The tannorexic woman and the bullied dolphin received as much or more news coverage than the rioting, looting, and home grown terrorism that OWS has morphed into. If that isn't a sign that this countries priorities are as fucked up as a soup sandwich, then I don't know what to tell ya.

Can we get an Attorney General, a protest, or hoodie for this guy?

That was the edited down version of an incident that took place during St. Paddy day in Baltimore. The entire video ends with the guy getting his watch, cash, and car keys ripped off, along with his clothes. But this is a family blog, and the nudity seemed gratuitous. So a very drunk, not particularly bright white guy ends up in downtown B'mo. Clearly this guy is out of his element, an out of towner who was so wasted he doesnt even recall the incident. I'm including these details because I wasn't able to get a picture of him at 12 during his first communion. So I work with what I've got. A drunk white guy in an unfortunate Mt. Dew t shirt, which is what he should have been drinking instead of Jameson and green jello shots. That said, he wasn't breaking any laws, just standing there, swaying, trying to figure out why some strange hood rat was doing the booty grind on him.

He gets clocked, then they swarm on him like a pack of wolves.

Keep that video in your mind, let it play on a continuous loop.

Suppose the video had taken a different twist. Lets say the dude gets knocked ass over tea kettle. just as the crowd swarms him he comes to his senses. Draws a gun. Puts a few of them down. Not down wounded. Down as in done.

Would it have been justified?

What if the victim had been black? His attackers white. do you think that this video would have received more play beyond the local Baltimore stations and the internet?

I've got a point, other than the one atop my bulbous misshapen white dome.  So stick with me and try to keep up. 

There is a vast expanse that divides the two camps in the Trayvon Martin case. On the one side, you have a whole lot of pissed off black folks. Add to this already volatile mix, a generous helping of liberal, white guilt laden apologists. Shake and serve with a sprig of irony. Serve to anyone dumb enough to drink it. The original cry was Justice for Trayvon, and by justice they meant an arrest. Now that Martin has been arrested, there will be a new call for justice. Justice this time will mean a conviction of 2nd degree murder. Anything less, and there will be hell to pay. The media will continue to do it's best to misrepresent, misinform, and polarize.

On the other side of the expanse, you have a group of white folks who are scratching their heads, wondering why THIS case is so important, so egregious that the Attorney General of the United States has not only weighed in, but is actively steering it. Holder recently spoke in front of a group founded by Al Sharpton. He promised the audience the feds would pursue charges if at all possible. I'm paraphrasing, but that was the gist of it. Why the AG would be speaking or associated with anything related to Al is as perplexing and disturbing as any element in the Trayvon/Zimmerman case. The President has added fuel to the fire. He stuck his nose into the Police vs. Gates debacle. Called the cop stupid, sided with Gates. Then along comes this most recent mess. Obama does not disappoint. He says if he had a son, he would look like Trayvon. His imaginary son might also look like the hoods in the video above. The stunner is why  the AG or the President feel the need to comment on  the case, yet have remained mute about the bounty and dead or alive comments from the new and improved Black Panthers.  Neither Holder nor Obama have bothered to comment or take action regarding the racially motivated crimes like Knockout King or Polar Bear hunting. They have not commented, at least not that I recall, on the inordinate number of crimes committed by and against a small minority of this nation.

Nothing in the Trayvon Martin case passes the smell test, which is not to say that Trayvon deserved to die, or that Zimmerman was or was not justified in the shooting. The problem is that the media has spoon fed and misinformed. They edited a tape on MSNBC to make Zimmerman appear to be focusing on Trayvons race. They still continue to post Trayvons photo from several years passed. A smiling young boy from the past, not the 6ft plus young black man who tweeted under the moniker of no limit nigga.

There won't be any clear cut, untainted justice in this case. The die has been cast.  any juror who finds Zimmerman Not Guilty will be subjected to public outrage, maybe a bounty, maybe death threats, maybe more than threats. The very same people who claim they only sought an arrest, justice, will be in that courtroom, outside the courtroom,  protesting/marching, pissing and moaning. They will force a guilty verdict. Should Zimmerman manage to be found not guilty, Holder, the Potus, and the justice dept. will come after Zimmerman for violating Trayvons civil rights. This case ends badly for Zimmerman, guilty or not. It also ends badly for this country, guilty or not. We are miles apart, the distance growing greater with the selective outrage over a single killing, while ignoring the ongoing killing and violence perpetrated on a daily basis by young black males that would look just like our Presidents son, if he had one.

Trayvon Martin, George Zimmerman...The circus comes to town.

A few facts remain constant in the Trayvon Martin case.  Martin is dead.  Zimmerman, the shooter, might as well be. The vast expanse that divides working class whites and urban blacks has never been more apparent. The longer this case drags on, and there seems to be no end in sight, the better chance it ends ala Rodney King L.A. riot style. Despite the hand wringing, media stoked outrage, and calls for justice, this case ends badly, justice has fled the scene. The media and assorted shit heels like slick Al Sharpton and various celebutards like Spike Lee and Ray Lewis,( seriously, Ray Lewis?) are all piling on the Trayvon Martin bandwagon. Before you get me twisted, this isn't an indictment against Martin or support for Zimmerman. The facts are trickling out, conflicting accounts from eye/ear witnesses. Zimmerman was out to kill a black kid vs. a black kid was out to whoop a white dude. Passions are running high, regardless of where you fall in the court of public opinion and perception.  As for me, I'm not sure what happened, only a few really know and at least one of them is dead.

Now Martins parents are headed to Washington to meet with the congressional black caucus. When is the last time the congressional black caucus met a pair of black parents who lost their child at the hands of another black male? I mean it's the leading cause of death of young black guys.
 Martins mother filed for trademarks on the "I am Trayvon" slogan.
Spike Lee tweeted Zimmermans address.

The New Black Panther Party has issued a wanted poster and 10k bounty for Zimmerman.
Somewhere in the heat of all the frustration and media stoked rage, the President weighed in. He informed us if he had a son he would look like Trayvon. He passed on the opportunity to call for cooler heads, or to denounce the hype and hyperbole of race baiters like King Louie Farrakhan who tweeted a not so veiled threat about retribution and some good old fashioned eye for an eye payback.

So the Trayvon Martin case has fewer similarities with Emmit Till or James Byrd Jr, and is becoming more and more about cashing in and pandering for votes.

There was a big vigil on the Plaza last night, one of many throughout the country. The Mayor was there. I couldn't help but wonder what many surely must be thinking but dare not utter, "Why all the outrage and emotion over a single killing, when there are so many here at home?" If you are looking for something to be outraged over, and not for nothing that's exactly what is motivating a good share of these protests, then how about a little outrage over the baby  who was recently shot, his mother and another person killed. Or how about the kids who sat in the back seat of the car as their parents were gunned down in the front seat, in broad daylight? The local media gave scant coverage to these recent KC atrocities. Meanwhile, the national media, Congressional black caucus leader and detector of Satan sandwiches Emmanuel Cleaver, and all of the other  assorted politicians, activists and shit heels of every stripe, have pretty much remained mute and absent.

The answer is easy. People only care when it can benefit them or their cause. Once that train starts rolling it doesn't stop until it arrives at Sanctimonious Bullshit Central.  There also weren't any mass national vigils for the 70 something Asian man killed by black youth during a game of knockout king in St. Louis, or any number of cold blooded crimes, at any time of day or night, all over the country.

They say Trayvon Martin has become a symbol. If by symbol they mean, the racist killing of a black kid by a semi white guy, they are wrong.  If by symbol they mean, a glaring display of Media, political, and mass public hypocrisy, then bingo, hit that nail on the head. When you latch on to a single, rare, isolated incident, while ignoring the mass extermination of a particular racial/age group, you are as full of shit as a Christmas goose, and as counterfeit as the ring masters of what has become a circus. Justice, like Elvis, has left the building, whatever the outcome in this case, justice won't play a role in it. So for those demanding an arrest or payback, absent all of the facts, stop calling for justice. Justice isn't what you want, you want blood, you want to affix blame, you want to assuage your white guilt or black anger. If you wanted justice, you would let it run it's course, not rush to it. So give it a name, payback, blood, eye for an eye, just don't confuse it with actual justice. That train left the station before the facts had a chance, and it ain't coming back.

Two kinds of crazy............

Some people you can take one look at and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are as crazy as a shit house rat.

 

I rest my case.





Meet Meredith Lowell, 27, of Cleveland Heights. She is an animal rights activist, Her convictions, like her Patchouli oil, are strong. She believes that freeing animals from fur farms, medical labs, zoo's, your back yard, is not unlike the freeing of the Jews from concentration camps. Meredith started a face book page to solicit a hit man, or woman to shoot or slit the throat of a fur wearer. Said fur wearer needed to be at least 13, preferably 14 or older. I think the age limit has less to do with killing a kid, and more to do with the fact that a 12 year old might not leave a big enough mess when they bled out.  Her plan was to be in the area when the killing took place, then she would pass out leaflets until the cops hauled her ass away to the booby hatch.  Meredith  hoped to be arrested so she could call attention to her beliefs and to get out of the home she shared with her parents and brothers who eat meat and eggs and use fur, leather and wool, investigators said. Apparently her convictions were strong, but her motivation to get a fucking job and move out on her own were not.

On the opposite end of the spectrum we have this guy.

I rest my case, again.

 Rep. Bob Morris, a Republican representing Fort Wayne. Morris is raising a ruckus over the Girl Scouts, because their agenda is promoting communism, lesbianism and subverting "traditional American family values," .  Apparently Planned Parenthood is in cahoots with the Girl Scouts to turn all the little darlins into Canyon Yodelers and Feminazis. I'm not sure why PP is involved with the Girl Scouts, but I'm guessing they are spiking those overpriced cookies with Ru480 and estrogen. Which explains why I have started to develop man breasts and spend lots of time at Camp Lickasnatchee. Which is Indian for, "If I was a dinosaur I'd be a lickalottapuss". And by Indian I mean Casino Indian not 7/11 Indian.

I'd pay cash money to sit in on a debate between Meredith and Bob. I'm pretty sure it would turn bad about the time Bob started quoting his family values dogma, and Meredith bit his face  off for wearing leather wing tips.

Before you smug libs think you got away clean, lets talk about Maxine Waters.

Maxine hates white folks, alot. If you are a conservative cracker, then you are especially vile in Maxines world.   "I saw pictures of Boehner and Cantor on our screens," she said at a Democratic Party event in California, referring to screens at the events. "Don't ever let me see again, in life, those Republicans in our hall, on our screens, talking about anything. These are demons. These are legislators who are destroying this country."  Maxine, who is under ethics investigations, but only because she is a strong black woman, has built her career around saying outlandish and inflammatory, racist shit. If you think this woman is sane, you're crazier than she is.

My point, and I actually have one............. There are two kinds of crazy. Meredith is typical crazy. A loner, slipping under the radar, with her fucked up ideology until she does something stupid like try to hire a killer through facebook.  Bob and Maxine would also fall into that category except for one important detail.  The last two nimrods have a voice beyond crazy ramblings on facebook, or Myspace, heh. The reason Bob and Maxine have a voice is because the morons in their particular districts voted them into office. Maxine, more than once. That shit is scarier than a whole busload of tofu eating, cardboard shoe wearing, hippy activists.

The fact that there are people who have twisted, fucked up as a soup sandwich ideology and beliefs is nothing new or surprising. What is surprising and more than a little disturbing, is that there are enough like minded  slack jawed doofus voters to put these clowns in office. The people of each party who are supposed to be normal, love to point out the crazy on the other side, while ignoring the crazy within their own party.  Which is why I will be leaving the country for Amsterdam, as soon as I can get off that no fly list from the time I cussed out the Expedia customer service rep  in India. Which was a total bullshit call from the TSA given the fact that the dude clearly couldn't understand English. 

the Double M manifesto to the 14 year old troll living in our house

Most if not all of you rubes are unaware that my girlfriends 14 year old lives with us.  She has decided it's time to test the waters in the the Sea of Boundaries. I won't get into the details of her recent escapades. Suffice to say she is still as pure as the undriven snow when compared to my 14 year old, juvenile delinquent self. I'm no doctor Spock. But my love is as tough as a 2 buck steak from Aldis.  When she arrives from her hiatus from Never Never Land where no is a 4 letter word, or as she likes to call it, Dads house, she will be greeted with a pristine room and the following Manifesto. .................................................................................................
                  .................................................................................................

We took a picture of your room, so you can remember how everything needs to go back in it’s place, no later than 10 PM…. That’s 10 at night just in case you were wondering.

Listed below are the new and improved rules and guidelines. You are expected to follow these rules and guidelines. Failing to do so will result in your losing

EVERYTHING !!!

Everything is defined as but not limited to the following.

TV

Phone

Computer

X box

Nintendo

PS2 3. Etc.

I POD

The I POD you either lost, traded for dope, or sold. The I POD probably isn’t important since you won’t be getting another one until you pay 350.00 for the one you allegedly LOST. Should you trick someone into buying you one, it will be confiscated by management until you come clean about what happened to the last one.

CONTRABAND

Contraband is defined as anything you are not supposed to be in possession of. You can review the list above as the penalties for contraband are the same. The only difference is you loose your door and gain a dog gate if any of the following is found in your room or person.

Drugs

Weed

Cigs

Booze

Weapons

Lighters

Guns

1. Room must be clean by 10 each night.

Clean means free of juice boxes, straw wrappers, trash, etc. See the picture. No clothes floor. Etc.

2. NO FOOD ALLOWED IN ROOM.

No plates, candy, chips, nothing.

We are not trying to start an ant and roach farm. The NO FOOD rule will be reviewed on a monthly basis. Keep your room clean and free of trash and debris and we may relax this rule.

3. Home Work… Must be started at 530 pm. No x box, computer, TV or non existent I pod allowed after 530 until home work is done. If you do not have home work, bring a text book from one of the multitude of classes you are currently failing and we will give you home work. All home work must be viewed by one of the management team.

ATTITUDE

We get it, you’re 14. It’s a part of your DNA to act like you hate us, unless you want something. We’re okay with that, we get it. What we wont play is the tired old “ I’m a disrespectful angry nimrod game”. You are well within your constitutional rights to act all angsty, dark, and moody. You could argue it is a free speech issue that allows you to treat those who pay your way in life, as if they were here to serve you. Unfortunately, this is not a democratic household. It is a dictatorship. We don’t care about your constitutional rights. Check the news, read up on Syria. We will squash your rebellion, like so many rock throwing middle easterners. If you actually kept up on current events, you would realize just how funny that last line was.





We have bent over backwards to give you a nice home, food, an unending supply of 30 dollar black t shirts with stupid band names like “ The Bitter Sphincters or Drucillas Venereal Warts”. If children in a third world country had a tenth of the shit you have, they would either try to eat it, or trade it for a skinny goat.

You have betrayed our trust, disrespected our property, disregarded our rules, and mistaken our kindness for weakness. Those days are but a fleeting memory. You will comply with our rules and expectations, or face dire consequences. You will treat your mother with respect and show a little appreciation, rather than acting like a self entitled spoiled brat.

Do as you are told, follow your rules, and you can expect things to get back to normal in short time, once your grades have reached at least a C, no C-, a C, or higher. Buck the system, fight the power, rage against the machine, and you shall think a ton of brick hath fallen upon you.

Not Hardly Bullshittin

The Management

Mom and Mark.

PS You may get a break once a week when you go to your fathers, but I’d neither count on it or expect it. He’s got your number now as well. Your welcome.

PSS We realize the above text has made you none to pleased. Too bad. You have repeatedly pissed in your Corn Flakes, don’t blame us if they are soggy. We would prefer to be able to trust you to do the right thing at least half the time. We can’t. Until we can, until your grades are up to par, Camp Happy is closed. SHU program. 23 hour lock down. King Kong aint got shit on us.

We still love ya, just tired of the bullshit. It ends today.

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Note to readers.  Thanks for your outpouring of condolences over the loss of Max.